How to out-freak the algorithm

Make it harder for them to sell you a personality

At this point, surely a lot of us are disturbed by this feeling of being watched all the time? Our online shenanigans get converted into an advertising profile and that gets used to sell things to us and many of us do not like that. It really sours the enjoyment of watching a cat riding a robot vacuum on a tiny screen. Because soon there will be robot vacuum ads, or cat-themed clothing ads, or ads for a secret third thing enjoyed by robot vacuum and cat enthusiasts.

Of course we all know one solution, which is to get off social media. That’s the obvious answer, isn’t it? But sometimes that’s difficult. We’ve got random people to stay in touch with, businesses to run, local events to find out about, controversies to keep ahead of. Begrudgingly, I admit it is useful sometimes, even if that utility may contain traces of pure evil.

I have a different solution for you, and I believe it will be quite fun. If you have also been subjected to short form videos notifying you of new insecurities and selling you the solutions, I really think I have found a viable alternative to quitting.

Become such a weirdo that the algorithm can’t pin you down.

I’m not claiming this will be easy. To achieve success, you’re going to have to really commit. You can’t just be a bit odd. One weird hobby does not a freak make.

You’re going to need combinations of interests that have never been seen before. Microneedling and worm charming. The Neolithic era and robot vacuum hacking. Competitive hot dog eating and firework making. Go wild with it.

Eventually, one does not need to buy any more worm charming equipment or guides to ancient burial sites. And then what will the ads be for?

Do not provide any company with any kind of predictable trail. If you notice your patterns becoming too mundane, throw in something bizarre to get them off the scent. Just when they expect you to zig, you, my friend, shall zag. And it will be majestic.

could you charm this worm? why not?

Being bizarre builds confidence

Becoming this odd may lead to side effects. For example, you could risk developing such a strong sense of self that you become challenging to sell anything to. Nobody will be able to tell you what to buy or what to think. Not anymore, because you run all your decisions by the inhabitants of your elderly parrot sanctuary, and no coherent consensus can be reached there. Maybe you can ask the polished pebble you are in the process of enchanting.

You will not have time for insecurities alongside maintaining this level of strangeness. Who cares about crows feet outside of the context of the army of crows you are training? Your chin hairs will only be an asset when dressing up as a medieval goat. Those solid upper arms are perfect for building a life-sized version of Shrek out of jacket potato bricks with cheese and beans and tuna as the mortar.

Anyway, you are not out there looking for new purchases to substitute for a personality. You’re off the market - you have the personality of ten people. At least.

Save your vigour for your peculiar interests

Take all that energy you were spending feeling creeped out and self-hatey and put it into your new passion for carving faces into cashew nuts. It’s so tiring to be mad at yourself for not having correctly shaped eyebrows. It’s exhausting, spending all that time berating yourself for not getting a promotion every 48 seconds. Or a new car, or a big beige house, or an extravagant birthday party. Put that passion where it belongs: your tricycle collection; your love for rare potato recipes; your burgeoning interest in top hats.

I truly believe in this approach. I hope you will join the weird movement. Risks from any new hobbies aside, side effects may include liking yourself and having fun.